


Ever So Dimly

by Lack_of_Common_Sense



Category: Gintama
Genre: Emotional, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreaking, M/M, One Shot, Pain, Post-Canon, Sad, i'm not crying you are crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28612131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lack_of_Common_Sense/pseuds/Lack_of_Common_Sense
Summary: Hijikata grieves.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Kudos: 37





	Ever So Dimly

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of a stab in the kidney.

The bright light had suddenly disappeared.

It was just – one day he was there, and another he was not, and Hijikata found himself losing solid ground underneath his feet. There were things he had to do, life went on as if the most vital part of his life had not turned into dust.

This was nothing like after the war when he disappeared and Hijikata chased after him to hell and back. This time, there was nowhere to run, no trail left behind to lead Hijikata to him, no way of bringing him here again.

Hijikata stared blankly at the obituary notice on his desk; he realised that his fists were clenched and that they were trembling. It was so abrupt, so out of the blue that Hijikata didn’t feel it was real. The words left unsaid were never to reach his ears, the warmth he had hoped to share with him one day was now going to dissipate without ever having any meaning. Utterances at his gravesite without any hope that he would hear, that he would know.

It was the same mistake Hijikata made with Mitsuba back then.

He swallowed hard, desperately ignoring the burning sensation in the corners of his eyes.

There was a knock on the door. “Yeah?” he croaked – and it hurt, even that lone word was painful, torturing his vocal cords as it brokenly left his mouth. His clenched throat did not want to let him speak.

Sougo peered in. “Are you coming, Hijikata-san?” he asked softly.

Hijikata took an unsteady breath and nodded, leaning onto his desk as he got up. His formal attire seemed heavier than any other day, and he paused for a moment, suddenly dizzy. His vision swayed, and only just did he manage to collect himself enough to take a step forward.

He wasn’t ready to pay his final respects. He could never be.

In every glint of silver, he would always see Gintoki’s name.


End file.
